So, since I give people codenames in my little old blog, here’s a glossary for anyone who’s interested/struggling to keep up 😉 Of course, it will be updated over time. They’re separated into ‘Friends’ and ‘The Men’ but are then listed in the order they appeared.
Me and Friends (come first. Obvs.)
- Freechick: I’m from London and slowly approaching 30. I ramble about anything and everything that comes into my, frankly, confusing head. Which, at the moment seems to be a chronicle of my love life. Single for a year as of summer 2012. Very impulsive, slightly fickle and a bit random. And I have a ridiculous potty mouth.
- Miss America: Such a lovely girl. We’ve been friends for 12 years but only reconnected again this year after a few years distance. She gives great advice. As the name suggests she’s American and well into all things herbal, natural and placenta related. Oh, and she gives great massages.
- Gym-Buddy: Another friend I’ve known for 12 years. In fact, I met her at my first ever job where I also met Miss America. She is a die hard Arsenal fan, football mad and is probably the only person I know to have been pretty much continuously studying for 12 years! She’s my sister from another mother and loves her Jamacian grub. Diamond.
- Miss Yoyo: Miss Yoyo and I met at college 11 years ago and have been mates ever since. She always, always gives it to me straight and never beats around the bush. And I love her for that. As I’d lost contact with Gym-Buddy and Miss America while I was with ‘The Ex’, she’s the only one of my close friends who knew me during and after that relationship. I couldn’t do without her.
- Miss Sunshine: A friend from work who always looks for the bright side in things. She’s always smiling. Literally. And given her penchant to be a little bloke like when it comes to dating, she’s a great source of advice. To look at her you’d think she’s all sweetness and light but she’s actually a proper little minx. Between her and Miss Comeback, we have some fabulous cauldron moments in the office.
- Miss Comeback: Another friend from work who regularly has me laughing like a moron. This girl has a witty and quick comeback for almost everything and a filthy mind to boot. Seriously, she can hear the most innocent of things and turn it into something downright XXX filthy. She’s fabulous.
- The Ex: My long term ex until 2011. We were together for nearly ten years until I left. He loved cocaine too much for me in the end. We still see each other in passing sometimes.
- Mr Music: A former colleague of mine who can now be called a friend. After 4 years of banter and flirtation, we fooled around a couple of times. He’s possibly the most frustrating man ever and as yet I’ve not managed to do the dance with no pants with him as he doesn’t want to ‘ruin our friendship.’ He has drama in the form of stalkers aplenty, but he has a heart of gold.
- Mr Clingy: My rebound after leaving my ex. He was only 24 and as the name suggests, a bit clingy. He’s tried to get in touch a few times since we stopped seeing each other but I wont be seeing him again. Weirdly, he’d done a lot more than I have in my 20-odd years in terms of sex and drugs etc, but ultimately not grown up enough for me.
- Mr Soldier: My once upon a time FWB. Sort of. Known each other since we were 16 and he’s my friends brother. We hooked up a couple of times before I was unceremoniously dumped. He’s since tried to rekindle things but it’s a line I ain’t biting.
- MOD: Abbreviation for Man of My Dreams. We’ve known each other since school, though he lives up north in my hometown. After years of nothing happening, we spent a fun two weekends together. He’s mega cute, super funny and smart. It’s a shame he had baby mama drama. We still vaguely keep in touch via Facebook.
- The Scotsman: Some random guy I met after a dismal night out with Mr Music. Well, friend of a friend so not that random. He reminded me of Four Weddings and a Funeral. It was a total non-starter.
- Mr Double-Barrell: The first guy I’d ever chatted up. And the first guy to initiate me into the torture of dating for about two months. He talked a good talk but walked a crap walk in the end. To be fair, he’s a nice enough guy but spoke a lot of bull. We still keep in touch now and again and he’s back with ex.
- Mr Pensive: Really cute Polish security guard from my office but he’s a baby at 24. Also, his English wasn’t very good and even with the language barrier, I found him a bit boring. We went for one drink but that was enough.
- The Frenchman: A guy I pulled from Marseilles while in Ireland. Very lithe, very sweet and very French. And provider of the best sex I’ve had to date as well as very swoon-some comms. Alas, it recently came to an end and I admit to being heartbroken after falling for him. Gutted about it, but he’s a genuine nice guy and I’m sure a friend for life.
- Mr Grey: We were set up over the summer by Miss Sunshine and her then beau, Mr Mac. Mr Mac and Mr Grey were best mates and after sharing info with Miss Sunshine, seem to have been reading from the same dating rulebook. This guy had me literally falling over the place. It was a bantorific summertime romance. In the end he had way too much baggage. Wife (though separated), kids, vasectomy, tattoo of wedding anniversary. A bit long in the end, and I think he’s now back with his cheating ex.
- Mr Mac: For once, not a guy I was dating. That was Miss Sunshine’s pleasure. He was the best friend of Mr Grey and turned out to be an arsehole. Which is a shame as he seemed quite nice when I met him.
Hmm. That’s a pretty long list of men-folk….