Popping Cherries

There’s been a few storylines in programmes about losing one’s virginity recently – Hollyoaks and Girls, to name two. In Hollyoaks, one of the characters got infatuated with her older sister’s, creepy boyfriend and in Girls, one of the characters was revealed to be a twenty-something virgin. Since its some time since I popped my cherry, it’s not something I thought about often, until I watched The 40 Year Old Virgin last night.

I lost mine to my new boyfriend at the time. I bunked off school for a bit after lunch and went to his (he lived really close to the school). I was around 15 and he was nearly 17 in sixth form. We’d known of each other for a while as he was friends with my then best friend’s older brother but it wasn’t until we both went on a school trip to London that we started talking. After that we started going out and shortly after we did the deed. As is normal (I think) for most girls, it wasn’t anything to shout about. It was painful and I remember thinking ‘is this what all the fuss is about?’ I was distinctly unimpressed. After, I went back to school, to my English class and that was that. Until I heard that he was still seeing his ex at the same time. Oh well. Bell-end. I’ve seen pictures of him since on Facebook and boy, what was I thinking? I wouldn’t even look twice at him now.

I think I was of average age, for the UK anyway. In my school, most guys had already got their end away, or at least they said they had. I didn’t expect to meet anyone older than, say, 18, who hadn’t done the deed. Then I met my ex. I was 17, he was 21, and he’d apparently waited by choice. The Frenchman told me he waited until he was 20. It got me thinking.

Why does it seem strange to meet a guy who waits until their in their 20’s to have sex? Ok, 40 is a little extreme. There seems to be some kind of badge of honour when it comes to guys ‘taking’ a girl’s virginity but the other way around…not so much. I’ve some friends who’ve said that would be a major turn off. Of course there’s the risk of clingy attachment, not to mention a crap shag, but still. Why is it weird to be with someone who goes against peer pressure to wait until they meet someone they deem special? It certainly didn’t feel weird taking my ex’s virginity away. I didn’t even know until about a month after we first slept together anyway.

Would I do it again? I dunno. I tend to go for guys in their 30’s now and I admit, I’d be thinking more along the lines of ‘what’s wrong with him’ than ‘aww, how sweet’ but I wouldn’t dismiss it out of hand.

Could be like a Mrs Robinson thing…

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Waiting and Depressed Cats

I spoke to The Frenchman this morning. It looks like he wont be able to come to London before the end of the year after all. He said he wanted to, but he doesn’t have a weekend free. I’m trying not to be too disappointed – I know how hard it can be to find time in December. He said he wants to come in early-mid January for a weekend of 4-5 days, work permitting. He also said he’s excited to see me in ten days time, when we can talk about my extended trip which is good because I’ll need to give notice of my leave at work. From what he said last time, he’s going skiing for a week in early February (I think) so I’d most likely go towards the end of February or early March.

It’s great that we’re still planning this. As every woman who’s in the early stages of dating knows, talking about stuff ‘in the future’ is always a good sign. I’m just not looking forward to a 4-6 week gap over the holidays. It’s not so much about being ‘single’ over the festive season, to be honest that’s never really bothered me. Granted, I’ve been in a relationship for lots of christmasses, but I’m not the kind of girl who craves being in a loved ones arms over this period of time. And given that we’re in different countries, I’m not sure it would make much difference anyway! It’s just a long time to wait.

I’ve always been a bit of a…I’m not sure what the term is. Not a pessimist. Hmm. OK, I’ll try and explain. When I fly somewhere, I’m always convinced that it’ll be my plan that falls out of the sky. If I’m on holiday, driving up a mountain on tiny roads, I’ll be convinced that the car will topple over the side. If I’m on a boat…you get my drift. It’s really weird, but that’s how I am. I’m one of those whose trying my best to ignore all this 2012 doomsday Mayan calendar stuff, which is a lot easier now than when I was with my ex, who positively LOVED that stuff, and frequently said he couldn’t wait for some kind of apocalypse to happen (yes, he was weird). So it’s in my nature to worry about things, the fact that 1 in 3 people are affected by cancer, or panicking when I don’t hear from someone for a while incase they’ve been run over or something. I’m a cheery person really. I’m just a worrier. And for the last few weeks, this has been really heightened.

It sounds so twattish to say it, but I feel like I’ve become more aware of my own mortality. I don’t mean I’m going around worried about dying, just that how precious time is. I’ve never liked waiting for anything anyway but lately I’ve been thinking, time is going by so quickly and HE’S over THERE. What if I die, or he dies, between now and our next meeting. It’s an awful thing to think and I try really hard to shove it out of my head, but it does sneak back in quite often. What does this mean? Other than I’m a total fruitloop, that is.

In happier (kind of) news, he told me that his cat was ‘not right’ last week. He apparently didn’t see him in the evenings after work as he’d be hiding under the bed or sofa. He thinks his cat was depressed after I went back to London. Which made me go ‘awwww’. You know what they say, win over the cat, bag the man.

Actually, I just made that up but you get the drift.

Beware of the Bull


The horns are out!

I’ve been on something of a rampage today. I don’t know if its my hormones or whatever, but I’m the definition of the a bull being enraged by a red flag. Horns out, hooves stomping, steam billowing from the nostrils – the whole shebang.

First of all, those tickets I’d bought to see The Maccabees? 99% sure I’ve been scammed. I’ve secured tickets elsewhere but that is not the point. I don’t understand scammers, I put my trust in people far too easily. Lesson learned. Very rude message left for the arse-wiping con-man. Karma is a bitch, he’ll get his.

Second, I’d spent most of my day at work being unproductive through no fault of my own. Stupid computers meant I’d spent my morning sat around doing sweet F.A which would have been fine if I didn’t actually have work to do.

Yes, I turned it on and off again, dammit!!

Third, I’ve decided to cool off on Mr Music. I can’t say why – nothing specific has happened. Maybe that’s the problem. I’m in that strange phase in my cycle where I turn into something of a nympho and Mr Music is just being far too slow. I change my mind like the wind and right now, I can’t be bothered trying to ‘out-aqua’ an Aquarius. He still gives me butterflies and I still feel like a heady teenager, but its just too much effort right now. Maybe it’s too soon to make that move with him anyway, given that I actually ‘like’ him, as in he’s, relationship material.  If he’s a true Aquarius he’ll be super logical and probably coming to the same conclusion that I need to fully get my ex out of my system (not that I’ve even given him so much as a second thought for a while now). I’m so changeable that even if Mr Music does invite me out for his birthday, I’ll probably shelve my seduction plan because of how I feel right now. Probably. Don’t quote me on that.

Hmm.

Maybe I should do what everyone keeps telling me to do and get me an FWB or sleep with a load of unsuitable men. God knows its been long enough. Should I take up my fellow Taurean friend’s offer? He’s definitely not backwards in coming forward and I’ll admit, it’s nice to be pursued in such a persistent manner. Unless he goes psycho-stalker, which is not cool.

I need to do something. Going from having sex on tap to nothing is just crap, and on my astrology learning path, one thing I keep reading is that the last thing anyone should do is deny a Taurus a romp in the hay. Too bloody right. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so all over the place. Maybe I just need a good seeing to and then I’ll go back to being the peaceful, tender, sensual being us Bull Girls are famous for being.

I want it NOW!

I have a horrible, horrible personality trait. It’s called impatience. Anyone who knows me knows this. If I want something I want it like yesterday. When I wanted my last tattoo, I drew it and got it done the next day. When I wanted my lip re-pierced, I had it done within 24 hours (I’d have done it on the same day but I was a bit tipsy). Being impulsive is in my blood.

They say patience is a virtue and if that’s the case then I’m definitely one virtue down. If I decide to do something, I do it, and if I don’t get the opportunity to do it within a few days, I’ll drop the idea until my next round of impulsiveness. Right now, my three ‘wants’ are:

  1. My holiday. After spending yesterday looking at flights and stuff for a week in Ibiza, I want to book it like, NOW. I don’t want to have to wait another couple of weeks until payday because…well, because I don’t want to. I want to get the flights booked so I know that my first girls holiday (shocking at the age of almost 28) is definitely happening. That and I want to book tickets to see David Guetta at Pacha.
  2. I want the guy I bought tickets off to see The Maccabees next week to hurry up and send them because I don’t want to have been ripped off.
  3. I want Mr Music to arrange his bloody birthday drinks already, I don’t want to have to wait much longer because a – I’m beginning to think I maybe imagined what happened last weekend and b – I’m bloody horny.

It’s not a good thing to be so impatient all the time, I know. I generally hate waiting around for other people because I tend to do things straight away and I find it hard to comprehend the way other people can be so aloof about stuff. I don’t get why some people are sooo slow. Like, why does it take five minutes to get money out the cash machine? You put your card in, enter your PIN, select the amount, grab the money and go. Yesterday the woman in front me was standing there for ages. Was she mentally calculating how much she’d spent over the last few days, because there’s a mini-statement option that will calculate that for you. Grrr.

Having said that, my impatience can be a bloody great thing too. I go after what I want and I bloody well get it, I don’t wait for it to be handed to me, which I think is a valuable life lesson.

If only all these things could just hurry up and arrive…

🙂