In A Serious State Of Confusion!

OK, I need some advice. I know I have a penchant to always assume the worst, but even the ever optimisitic Miss Sunshine has been stumped by this one.

So, as you know, I’ve been sunning it up (and I use that term loosely) in Ibiza with Miss Yoyo and Miss Sunshine over the last week. It was a nice holiday, but it’s been somewhat overshadowed by a text I got from Mr Grey. He had his second sitting for his half sleeve tattoo, and he sent me a picture of it. It wasn’t until I got back to the hotel that night that I looked at it properly, and noticed some roman numerals. When I looked at the date, I realised its significance. It’s the date he got married.

Now, he separated from his wife two years ago in bad circumstances. So I can’t understand why he’d want to have the date of his wedding etched forever more onto his skin. Add to that the fact that when I asked what it was, I got swatted away like a fly and I am thoroughly confused. Since then, I’ve barely eaten – all I feel is sick. Am I being used as a distraction for him? Is he still pining for her? Is the fact they’re only separated and not divorced really because of money, or is it something else? They have a LOT of contact and while I know they have to because they have kids, I’m now wondering if having kids might be an excuse for him to have contact. Is it just a map of significant things that have happened in his life? And if so, how am I meant to feel about that? It doesn’t help that he almost rammed the fact that his vasectomy was 100% final down my throat either.

Should I be worried?

I plan to ask these things when I see him, which isn’t for another 4 days. For someone as impatient as me, this is absolute torture and I can’t promise that I’ll hold out until then. I’m not an unreasonable person, but this has thrown me into a state of confusion over where I stand. It’s making me initiate a conversation I didn’t think we needed to have yet. The ‘what is this relationship about’ conversation. I was happy to just go with the flow before, we were getting on well enough and he was the one leading on everything, but now I’m not sure whether I’m coming or going. I don’t think I’ve ever been so confused about anything before. Ever.

I can’t even think about my holiday – this has just overshadowed it for me, and that is not a good thing. Though I did have fun.

I don’t know what to do.

😦

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Whoa…I’m going to Ibiza!

Hurrah! I’ve finally booked my summer holiday with the girls – we’re off to the Mediterranean party island of Ibiza for a week of mentalistic, hedonistic, debauched shagorific fun.

I wanted to go to Ibiza when I was around 16. I was heavily into trance music and my biggest ambition then was to go and dance the night away at Cream. Then it all went a bit crap. Crap music and total chavs descending on the island. But now, it’s picked up again and I am raring to go. So much so that I’m even overlooking the fact that I’ll be flying with EasyJet (gawd help) and that despite having emetophobia (a fear of vomit. Nice) I will be spending the week surrounded by pissed up Brits (for those of you who don’t know, we have THE worst reputation abroad for drunken, lewd, pukey behaviour).

By rights, this should be the kind of holiday that I’d do my utmost to avoid. But you know what? Fuck it. I’ve spent far too many years feeling boring and never doing anything and now, I am raring to go. I can’t wait to spend a week in the sun with my girls and generally misbehaving. I’m hoping I’ll have a ton of stories for my blog too 😉

I want it NOW!

I have a horrible, horrible personality trait. It’s called impatience. Anyone who knows me knows this. If I want something I want it like yesterday. When I wanted my last tattoo, I drew it and got it done the next day. When I wanted my lip re-pierced, I had it done within 24 hours (I’d have done it on the same day but I was a bit tipsy). Being impulsive is in my blood.

They say patience is a virtue and if that’s the case then I’m definitely one virtue down. If I decide to do something, I do it, and if I don’t get the opportunity to do it within a few days, I’ll drop the idea until my next round of impulsiveness. Right now, my three ‘wants’ are:

  1. My holiday. After spending yesterday looking at flights and stuff for a week in Ibiza, I want to book it like, NOW. I don’t want to have to wait another couple of weeks until payday because…well, because I don’t want to. I want to get the flights booked so I know that my first girls holiday (shocking at the age of almost 28) is definitely happening. That and I want to book tickets to see David Guetta at Pacha.
  2. I want the guy I bought tickets off to see The Maccabees next week to hurry up and send them because I don’t want to have been ripped off.
  3. I want Mr Music to arrange his bloody birthday drinks already, I don’t want to have to wait much longer because a – I’m beginning to think I maybe imagined what happened last weekend and b – I’m bloody horny.

It’s not a good thing to be so impatient all the time, I know. I generally hate waiting around for other people because I tend to do things straight away and I find it hard to comprehend the way other people can be so aloof about stuff. I don’t get why some people are sooo slow. Like, why does it take five minutes to get money out the cash machine? You put your card in, enter your PIN, select the amount, grab the money and go. Yesterday the woman in front me was standing there for ages. Was she mentally calculating how much she’d spent over the last few days, because there’s a mini-statement option that will calculate that for you. Grrr.

Having said that, my impatience can be a bloody great thing too. I go after what I want and I bloody well get it, I don’t wait for it to be handed to me, which I think is a valuable life lesson.

If only all these things could just hurry up and arrive…

🙂