Rush Hour Crush

In London and some other cities in the UK, we have a free newspaper – The Metro. Every day, there’s a little feature called ‘Rush Hour Crush’ where people write in a short message to someone they’ve seen who’s piqued their fancy, usually on some mode of transport. In today’s, someone wrote in about someone who works for my company and it made me think. Sure, it would be flattering to have an admirer out there, but I wonder what’s meant to happen next.

Imagine there’s someone who gets the same train as you every day. Maybe you both always sit in the same carriage and maybe you even flash that ‘hi, we see each other every day so let’s be polite’ smile. No harm in doing that. But imagine that person is slowly developing a crush on you. It’s sweet, but then imagine opening the paper and reading a message that’s obviously meant for you. What then? Most of the time, the person its meant for will have been described – the clothes they were wearing, their hair etc, and usually there’s a hint as to who its from. Are you meant to seek that person out, catch their eye across the crowded carriage and then start chatting? I’m not sure.

I think, if it were me, I’d be a bit weirded out. Flattered, but weirded out all the same. I get that people can get shy, but it reminds me of the notes we used to pass to the boy we fancied in primary school. The ‘do you want to be my boyfriend, yes, no or maybe’ kind.

I wonder if anyone who’s ever contributed to it has had a good response and ended up in a relationship with their ‘Rush Hour Crush’?

Hair Sniffing Action and Other Signs of Interest

Ah, Miss Sunshine cracks me up. She’s currently dating a guy who seems to be nice and sweet, but his behaviour seems like its freaking her out a bit. She told Miss Comeback and I about her evening with him and cringed when she said ‘I was watching The Inbetweeners and felt something on my head…he was smelling my hair!’

Her first question was, who does this? The answer? It’s not uncommon from what I’ve seen and experienced for the person who’s interested in you to want to take in your smell – the essence of your being. But for Miss Sunshine, this is all fairly new. Add to that the fact that she’s already woken up to find him staring at her in her sleep, and I’d say the guy seriously into her.

I think guys are actually a lot soppier than us girls. When they fall for someone they usually fall hard and hair sniffing/eye gazing/hand stroking is just par for the course.

She’s trying to keep him at bay for a while and steady the pace and all I can say is good luck!

The Rules of Dating

Well my birthday drinks went very well. Despite not a lot of people turning up, I was on top form and had a great time with those who came along. The venue was fabulous, with cabaret girls and fire-eaters, and the music was good. Mr Double-Barrel also came along with his best friend, which was nice. Everyone seemed to like him and he held his own. Given that our date was two weeks ago, I had started to think that maybe he just wasn’t interested anymore.

And this is my problem. He said all the right things. Complimented me on my clothes, my perfume, and talked about the next date, and the date after that. He mentioned that I should go with him to a festival abroad at the end of June, and he was a perfect gent all night. He carried my ridiculously high heels for me and found a club for us to go onto where I’d feel comfortable in my back up flat pumps. He didn’t take me to a pretentious place either. It was in fact a converted public toilet underground in west London and the crowd was most definitely eclectic. I caught him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. He paid me random compliments in the middle of our conversations. We laughed, we talked, we danced, we kissed, we…well. Enough of that. But now I’m stuck. The thing is, I like him (obviously). I mean, I like him in a ‘thinking ahead’ kind of way. And I have no idea what the ‘dating rules’ are.

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Am I supposed to wait until he gets in touch with me? And if so, how long is an acceptable wait? Or am I meant to be as upfront as I want to be? After all, it was me who chatted him up in the first place. There’s a balance to be struck between letting him know I like him, without scaring him away. What to do, what to do?

This is all very new for me. Despite my antics so far in 2012, this is the first time I’ve found myself in a dating situation. Mr Music (as much as I liked him) dicked me about. Funnily enough, he called when Mr Double-Barrel and I were in a cab on our way to the club to find out if I was still out and when I told him I was with Mr Double-Barrel, I got an ‘oh’ in response. Oh well. Time waits for no-one. That said, it would’ve been nice for me to flaunt myself in front of him because I’d made probably the most amount of effort with my appearance in my life. A little part of me wanted payback for the night of his ultra-crap leaving drinks. But I digress. My point is that we never dated – and while I did agonise over whether to text him, whether he’d reply etc etc, this is not the same situation.

MOD is incomparable. We’ve known each other since we were at school and with the distance, dating is definitely not what I’d describe our ‘relationship’ as.

How the hell do people do this? I don’t play games, I find it next to impossible to – it’s not in my nature. I have a hard time disguising what I’m really thinking or feeling. I believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason and everything that’s meant to happen will, eventually. But I also have that little thing called ‘impatience’. I like attention. I want Mr Double-Barrel to be almost breaking my phone with a flurry of text messages (though if this really happened I’d feel claustrophobic and suffocated and he’d probably end up in the same situation as Mr Clingy – gone).

I was out with Miss America last night and we were talking. She’s similar to me in many ways in that she doesn’t like not knowing what’s going on. My problem is that I go for attractive men (attractive to me, obviously), and literally every guy I’ve been out with or fancied, has always, always attracted attention when we’re out. I can’t fail to notice when the guy I’m with/have my sights set on is being eyed up by a girl or a group of girls in whatever bar we’re in. And Mr Double-Barrel is an eligible guy. I’m not going to say bachelor because I hate that term, but you get my drift. He’s good looking, he’s ambitious – everything is good on paper. And combined with my inbuilt crap timing, I don’t want to be too relaxed and then get introduced to his new girlfriend a la Mr Music.

God, this is such hard work!

People I shouldn’t fancy, but I do…

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend of mine about what our types were. I don’t have one. That’s not to say I whore myself around (as if), but I don’t go for a specific hair colour, race etc etc. I like suited and booted guys, I like your hoodrat guys, I like the indie scruffy-haired-skinny-jeans guys, I like skater guys, you get my drift. Looks don’t really have to factor into it. I mean, sure, nobody wants to wake up to a total munter, but I have a long list of men I really shouldn’t like, but I do.

Now, I should point out that I wouldn’t necessarily do all of these guys, but generally, there’s something about all of them that makes me go a bit…wobbly. For me, if a guy does something really well, he’s already got my attention. So here’s my embarrassing crush list. Don’t judge me.

Maybe mine aren’t that bad. I’ll bet there are some really freaky celeb crushes going on out there…

Take a hint!

Sigh. Why do some people seem unable to take a hint? After a mild dalliance last year, I now have a situation where a guy just will not leave me alone. I don’t care that you miss talking to me, I don’t care that you’re still single. What I would like is for you to forget my number.

I get how after a relationship it can be hard to let someone go. I mean, I begged and pleaded to have my ex back, though now I know I wouldn’t go back in a million years. But this guy knew me for what? A couple of months? I don’t understand how someone can get that attached and/or not take a hint.

When I said I didn’t think it was a good idea to talk anymore, I meant it. When I blocked you on Facebook, I meant it. So why not accept it and move on? I can be fairly heartless, I know, but really? It’s starting to creep me out now and since my mobile phone operator can’t block numbers, I’ll have to either get a new one or live with it.

Fantastic.

Hangovers, Cuddles and Seduction…

Just when you think things are going smoothly, someone comes along comes and throws everything out of kilter. Friday night saw me out for drinks after work, something I rarely used to indulge in, but it was a double leaving do – it would’ve been rude not to! And, OK, I had an ulterior motive. A friend, I’ll call him Mr Music, who I’ve suddenly found myself lusting over for the past few months, was also going to be there. Add to the fact that things had got a little…strange over the past few weeks and I had to find out what the hell was going on. After some texts were exchanged, he’d disappeared and I ended up feeling like a total twat.

One of the things I love about being single is that I can go out, shake my booty and have a drink without thinking ‘I have to be home at xpm’ which is what I was used to. Knowing that I had nobody to think about or go home to was probably one of the things that made my night as good as it was. Sad, perhaps, but true nonetheless.

I’d met an old workmate I’d not seen for years and as we were catching up, in walks my friend, Mr Music, with his cheeky smile as if nothing had gone awry between us. I’ve been getting into astrology recently and he’s an aquarius. One thing I’ve learned is that aquarians don’t do pressure. So, I ignored him. Well, I waved hello, motioned we’d catch up later, but then ignored him pretty much and concentrated on the old workmate I was with. A couple of hours later, the air was cleared and we were back to our normal flirty selves. A few cocktails and cheeky shots of Jager and we were on the dancefloor. And just when I thought we were back to being friends with basically no intimacy, he pinned me down (not literally, I wish!) on the sofa in the bar and we chatted. He doesn’t want to get hurt, I tell him not every person is going to hurt you. He tells me I’m pretty fabulous, I smiled and said, ‘I know’. I’d told him I’d got him a birthday present, a thoughtful one, and after pressing me, I told him what it was. Which I’m pretty annoyed about now, but at least I know he’ll like it and I think he was genuinely taken aback in a nice way when I told him what it was. It was one of those really weird, surreal conversations that you only get when you’re half-cut. Honestly, I can’t remember all of it because all I was aware of was how damned close he was to my neck. Send a tingle down my neck and I’m pretty much yours. So, with the heat of his breath and all that good stuff, I was only half listening.

In the end, we left, without even saying goodbye to our friends. He wanted a kebab and I wasn’t going to say no and when he invited me back to his, I accepted. With this guy, I know he values my friendship more than anything else, so when he said purely platonic, I knew that’s what it would be. That, and the fact that Aunt Flo’s in town meant nothing else was going to happen. It’s funny, I think my pheromones draw him in because most times we meet up, including the last time which did end in some fumbling, was not the right time for me. In any case, we got a cab, went back to his, ate and slept. Yep, not even a snog. He did pull my head onto his chest, which was nice, but seconds later he was snoring his lovely head off.

Now, hangovers aren’t nice. I was teetotal for about 8 years and I’m still not great with the roughness of the next morning, but I woke up first, tiptoed to the loo so as not to wake his housemate and tried to go back to sleep, ignoring the fact that my head felt like a sledgehammer was being wedged into it and my feet hurt something rotten. When he (finally) woke up, he stuck a DVD on and indulged me in some cuddle time. This is a man who doesn’t do soppy. At all. But he has this way of making me feel like when we’re together, he’s totally in the moment. Could I have kissed him? Absolutely. Would he have kissed me back? No doubt about it. One of the things we’d both laid bare the night before was that we both fancied the hell out of each other and at some point, sparks are going to fly. But even so, not a single drop of bodily fluids were swapped. I loved that I could just lay with him, without having to think about anything at all. I’d thought he’d maybe forgotten about the last night we’d spent together, but he’d said certain things that I thought he’d be too drunk to remember. And when the time came to get dressed, there was no awkwardness. Never mind the fact that our limbs had literally been tangled all morning or that he’d seen my stupidly wayward morning hair and puffy eyes. We got the tube together – him to go to meet his mates and me to go home and sleep.

But now, I cannot get this guy out of my head. It’s ridiculous, because we’d go for months without speaking before. But now he’s occupying a space in my mind that I can’t get him out of. When his birthday finally arrives, he has to be prepared because this going to be a targeted seduction. It’s something I’ve never set out to do before, but believe me, I got the lingerie, the perfume, the outfit. It’s the only thing I can think of to satisfy this itch and based on our past couple of encounters I think it’s fair to say we’ll have fun.

Of course, there is the question of whether things will change when (not if) I finally get him into the bedroom. I’d hate for our friendship to change in a bad way and I know that’s what he’s scared of too. Having said that, it’s been 4 years of flirting and heavy banter, and a good 6/7 months of mutual attraction, and that’s a long enough wait, thank you very much. For now though, as far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist unless he contacts me first. I’ve learnt not to over-text this aquarius man and if this is anything to go by, the thrill is definitely in the chase. Of course, it does mean I’ll have to unleash my intensity when I see him next instead of in a steady stream over the next few weeks, provided he doesn’t suddenly change heart or meet the love of his life. Hope he knows what he’s in for.