Fun Filled Dirty Weekend

Ok, so I’ve been a touch lazy with the old blog updates, but since I depart for my girls holiday tomorrow, I thought I ought to find time.

So, first things first. Mr Grey? So not a prude. After instigating a text conversation with him in an effort to find out what his sexual preferences were, he was very forthcoming. In fact, he provided a list as long as my arm! Some of them were fairly run of the mill, some were things I needed more clarification on. For example, he likes to be tied up and abused, with no limits on how. What does this mean? When I asked, he said it depended on the other person, but it could be anything. Does he like to be slapped about, or is it all verbal? I have no idea. I need more information on what this entails. Also on the list, he’s a fan of a little bum action. What man isn’t? Perhaps I should add he’s not averse to a sly finger up there himself.

Hmmm.

Not sure about that. In any case, I unleashed a monster because my phone was blowing up with messages all night. Which made me a bit worrisome for Miss Sunshine’s birthday weekend. It ended up being a fantastic laugh. Her new boyfriend is lovely, I’m so pleased for her. Back at the hotel, Mr Grey and I had immense amounts of frankly, amazing, sex after our adrenaline filled afternoon. In the evening we went for dinner and drinks, made more exciting by the fact that I went commando under my little black dress. When I told him, he said ‘but you’re wearing tights.’ Perfect timing for me to reveal my suspenders and stockings. Yup, that’s how I roll. So after holding back on pent up tension all night, we went back to the hotel for more dirty time.

Oh, and as you might’ve guessed by my last post, I stacked it in my eagerness to get back to our room. Fell flat in the middle of the road and grazed my knee quite badly. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me lose control of basic motor functions but as per usual, we both saw the funny side.

On Sunday, we relaxed in the morning before driving back to his where I stayed until early evening when he went out with his boys. And now, I have at least a week until I see him again. I’m ridiculously excited about Ibiza with the girls, but I’m going to miss him. Oh dear. I actually like him – a hell of a lot. I don’t quite know how that happened. I mean, how on earth can a guy call me ‘cunt flaps’ and have me giggling like a moron and wanting more? Very odd indeed.

I’m pleased he’s not a prude. He’s getting more and more like Christian Grey every day 🙂

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Prim & Proper vs Decadent Kink

Yawn

There has never been a better time to think about spicing up your sex life. The explosion of Fifty Shades of Grey has impacted just about every aspect of sexual thinking here in the UK. A lot of this stuff is fairly normal, but a conversation with my own Mr Grey got me thinking today. A while back, I suggested a burlesque show for a date. I didn’t think anything of it – burlesque is hugely popular nowadays – but he said it wasn’t his thing. Fair enough. Then, today, I suggested we go to see a circus show. It’s billed as being decadent and titillating, but also fun. His reaction was ‘hmmmm’. The word ‘decadent’ reminded him of a scene in The Inbetweeners film where a guy performs self-fellatio.

Oh dear.

Funnily enough, while we were discussing the use of safe words last week, he said he thought I was prim and proper. All I could do was laugh. He had no idea how wrong he was. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no BDSM enthusiast, but I’m definitely not prim and proper. The friends I told about this laughed too. Enough said. But it has made me think. I’m a fan of trying things at least once, but I’m now wondering if some things are going to be too left-field for him? Most guys I’ve encountered tend to have that side to them where you just know that at some point, they’re going to get all dirty on you. I kinda thought most men were like this but now I’m not sure.

Yesterday, I went shopping with Miss Sunshine for a dress – it’s her birthday next week and we’re double dating this weekend. Since I wanted to go the whole hog and get a suspender belt (the double date includes a hotel stay over), we wandered into Harmony and Ann Summers. Besides the paddles, whips, butt plugs and vibrators, were pairs of love balls. Of course we bought a pair each and I fully intended on letting Mr Grey know about my purchase. Hmmm. I’m thinking I might keep that nugget of information to myself a bit longer.

The thing is, I don’t think my idea of ‘decadence’ when it comes to sex matches his. What springs to my mind is light bondage, sexy lingerie and an emphasis on sensuality and fully engaging all five senses. His on the other hand seems to be…self fellatio? Big disconnect. Of course I took the piss out of him for this and told him I fully intend to tease him this weekend, both verbally and physically. It should be good fun. I bloody hope so. I like him a lot but this could be a deal breaker. I’m all for vanilla loving but if there’s no naughtiness, I know what I’m like and my attention will wane.

Here’s hoping my Mr Grey becomes a little bit more Mr Grey-like.

Ooh la la avec les hommes Francais

So after an hour of feeling pissed off on Thursday after hearing Mr Double-Barrel on the radio, Miss America and I decided to go out on the piss and I was under strict orders to pull me an Irishman. I failed, dismally. And picked up a Frenchman instead. We went out for dinner and met a group of French guys who were in Ireland for a fishing trip. They were all the same age, 32/33, and all of them were lovely, compounding the stereotypical image of unfriendly French natives!

There were three of them who lived in Westport, I’m not sure what their relationship was to the guys who we were talking to but they seemed nice enough. And one of them took a shine to Miss America – never mind the fact he was there with his girlfriend. He was seriously cute and honestly, if looks could talk his would have said ‘I want to eat you now’. Intense wasn’t the word.

I’m sure you’ve already gathered, but Miss America is a great wing woman. I can be shy around guys but she thinks to ask leading questions and keep them interested. So we ended up going on for a few drinks with them and I got chatting to the one I’d had my eye on from the start. I’ll call him The Frenchman. He was very much my type – snowboarder, indie looking. He reminded me of a cuter Fred Durst and I used to love him back in the day. Over the course of some drinks we chatted and swapped English and French. When the club got ready to close, we went back to their cottage and Miss America was more than happy to keep me company.

Once there, the champagne and whiskey came out. Looking back, it could’ve been dangerous – two girls getting drunk with five French dudes, but hey, it was fun. And I fancied the pants off The Frenchman. Miss America decided she wanted to see the sunrise and suggested we go for a hike up the hill, but as time moved on, she ended up nudging me, telling me that if I wanted to pull him, I’d better get on with it before I lost the chance.

You already know I’m shy. I hadn’t even kissed the guy, though we had been flirting over the course of the evening. So I put my 50 Shades hat on, gulped down the rest of my drink, took his hand and into the bedroom we went.

Who needs an Irishman when you can have a sensual Frenchman instead! Remember my blog post where I said I couldn’t remember the best sex I ever had? Yeah. I do now. I don’t think I’ve ever slept with anyone who was do focussed on my pleasure before. Plenty of kissing, massaging, intense staring…yum. I missed out on the sunrise (it was cloudy anyway) but I didn’t really care. I remember Miss America shouting that she was going to take my hiking boots, but that’s about it. A couple of hours later they came back and after a quick hello and a drink, we all went to bed. After a few hours kip cuddled up to The Frenchman, he told me he only had one hours sleep, because I was in his bed. It was apparently a ‘great, great moment.’ And no, Miss America, I don’t think he meant my snoring!

It’s safe to say Friday was a write off, but after such a fabulous night it was an even price to pay. It took my mind off Mr Double-Barrel completely and it put a smile on my face. Not bad 🙂

Like moths to a flame…

Isn’t it funny how sometimes, you just seem to attract men? I can’t say I’ve done anything different with my appearance lately. I haven’t even made that much of an effort with my clothes. Same jeans, same Converse, same work clothes. But for some reason, I seem to be amassing a number of admirers. Am I complaining? Hell no. It’s just a little baffling, that’s all.

Maybe, as my ex said to me yesterday, it’s my confidence. I’ve noticed myself that some guys, even if they’re not attractive in the slightest, will exude a confidence so strong that you have to sit up and take notice. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe I’ve got that cheeky glint in my eye. Today saw another unsuspecting male make an advance, and quite a direct one at that. I’ll add him to my little black book.

Whatever it is that’s making me seem more attractive, I’m going to revel in it. These things don’t last very long. It’s a shame I can’t bottle it up and save it for a rainy day. As my mate said to me the other day, since I have admirers, it’ll be my own fault if I don’t get laid. The question is whether I can juggle them effectively until I decide which one’s services to enlist.

Beware of the Bull


The horns are out!

I’ve been on something of a rampage today. I don’t know if its my hormones or whatever, but I’m the definition of the a bull being enraged by a red flag. Horns out, hooves stomping, steam billowing from the nostrils – the whole shebang.

First of all, those tickets I’d bought to see The Maccabees? 99% sure I’ve been scammed. I’ve secured tickets elsewhere but that is not the point. I don’t understand scammers, I put my trust in people far too easily. Lesson learned. Very rude message left for the arse-wiping con-man. Karma is a bitch, he’ll get his.

Second, I’d spent most of my day at work being unproductive through no fault of my own. Stupid computers meant I’d spent my morning sat around doing sweet F.A which would have been fine if I didn’t actually have work to do.

Yes, I turned it on and off again, dammit!!

Third, I’ve decided to cool off on Mr Music. I can’t say why – nothing specific has happened. Maybe that’s the problem. I’m in that strange phase in my cycle where I turn into something of a nympho and Mr Music is just being far too slow. I change my mind like the wind and right now, I can’t be bothered trying to ‘out-aqua’ an Aquarius. He still gives me butterflies and I still feel like a heady teenager, but its just too much effort right now. Maybe it’s too soon to make that move with him anyway, given that I actually ‘like’ him, as in he’s, relationship material.  If he’s a true Aquarius he’ll be super logical and probably coming to the same conclusion that I need to fully get my ex out of my system (not that I’ve even given him so much as a second thought for a while now). I’m so changeable that even if Mr Music does invite me out for his birthday, I’ll probably shelve my seduction plan because of how I feel right now. Probably. Don’t quote me on that.

Hmm.

Maybe I should do what everyone keeps telling me to do and get me an FWB or sleep with a load of unsuitable men. God knows its been long enough. Should I take up my fellow Taurean friend’s offer? He’s definitely not backwards in coming forward and I’ll admit, it’s nice to be pursued in such a persistent manner. Unless he goes psycho-stalker, which is not cool.

I need to do something. Going from having sex on tap to nothing is just crap, and on my astrology learning path, one thing I keep reading is that the last thing anyone should do is deny a Taurus a romp in the hay. Too bloody right. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so all over the place. Maybe I just need a good seeing to and then I’ll go back to being the peaceful, tender, sensual being us Bull Girls are famous for being.

The Laws of Attraction…

I had a very interesting thought today after reading a fellow blogger’s post. Someone had asked for an opinion on how a guy would know if a girl was still into him, and the reply she gave was very different to mine. Neither of us were right or wrong, but it did get me thinking about how on earth guys are really meant to know how we feel about them if we don’t communicate it with words.

Having looked online, the most common signs that a female is flirting with you are:

  • smiling
  • physical contact e.g. touching a guys arm while laughing at his joke
  • playing with hair/fidgeting with something
  • mimicking body movements
  • isolating herself

This, to me, is nothing new. It’s almost like a second nature to know certain ‘tells’ when someone likes you through a combination of personal experience and media influences. But what if you don’t behave in this way? Like, for instance, me.

It may be that my judgement is being clouded by the image of a sweet, demure girl twiddling her hair and throatily laughing at a guys crap jokes, but my style of flirting can be quite…well…confusing for a guy I think. I can be really quite sharp. My sense of humour is what you’d call caustic and even though I’ll smile when I’m giving you some acidic remarks, it wouldn’t surprise me if some guys had zero idea that I was flirting with them. I’ll always retort, usually sarcastically. I love a good battle of the minds. That, to me, is my biggest ‘tell’. If I’m giving you the time of day and we’re exchanging in a game of verbal tennis that would put Serena and Venus Williams to shame, you can almost guarantee I fancy the pants off you.

Not only am I quite insulting, but my version of bodily contact is more likely to be in the form of me swatting your arm, upside the head or shoving into you than anything else. A bit like a little boy would tug on a little girls hair if he fancied her. Clearly, I’m a wee bit strange. I don’t isolate myself either. If a guy is going to make a move on me, he’d better be comfortable approaching me no matter what group I’m with. Doesn’t mean we have to stand in the middle of my friends while we talk, but don’t expect me to sidle off the corner of the room like a damsel in distress. If we’re talking one to one and we’re in a loud place, chances are, I wont even be looking at you. I’ll have my ear as close to your mouth as possible while I’m looking in the other direction. Why? Because personally, I like to use as many of my senses as possible. I want to hear your voice, I want to feel your breath. I’m not bothered about staring intently as your plump lips open for you to say something brilliant.

I’ll accept the smiling and fidgety behaviour, I think that’s fairly normal. Who talks to someone without smiling if they’re attracted to them? And who would sit stock still chatting to someone? It’s pretty rare. But it still doesn’t detract from the fact that even though you can display the tell-tale signs, you can so easily confuse a guy if your style of flirting is a little off, like mine. Unless you find someone who flirts back in the same way, and that’s where the fun is, for me anyway. We’re all human and to some extent we will all use the same body language when placed in a certain situation, but my advice to any guys out there…just make a move. Trust your gut. What’s the worst that could happen?

Hangovers, Cuddles and Seduction…

Just when you think things are going smoothly, someone comes along comes and throws everything out of kilter. Friday night saw me out for drinks after work, something I rarely used to indulge in, but it was a double leaving do – it would’ve been rude not to! And, OK, I had an ulterior motive. A friend, I’ll call him Mr Music, who I’ve suddenly found myself lusting over for the past few months, was also going to be there. Add to the fact that things had got a little…strange over the past few weeks and I had to find out what the hell was going on. After some texts were exchanged, he’d disappeared and I ended up feeling like a total twat.

One of the things I love about being single is that I can go out, shake my booty and have a drink without thinking ‘I have to be home at xpm’ which is what I was used to. Knowing that I had nobody to think about or go home to was probably one of the things that made my night as good as it was. Sad, perhaps, but true nonetheless.

I’d met an old workmate I’d not seen for years and as we were catching up, in walks my friend, Mr Music, with his cheeky smile as if nothing had gone awry between us. I’ve been getting into astrology recently and he’s an aquarius. One thing I’ve learned is that aquarians don’t do pressure. So, I ignored him. Well, I waved hello, motioned we’d catch up later, but then ignored him pretty much and concentrated on the old workmate I was with. A couple of hours later, the air was cleared and we were back to our normal flirty selves. A few cocktails and cheeky shots of Jager and we were on the dancefloor. And just when I thought we were back to being friends with basically no intimacy, he pinned me down (not literally, I wish!) on the sofa in the bar and we chatted. He doesn’t want to get hurt, I tell him not every person is going to hurt you. He tells me I’m pretty fabulous, I smiled and said, ‘I know’. I’d told him I’d got him a birthday present, a thoughtful one, and after pressing me, I told him what it was. Which I’m pretty annoyed about now, but at least I know he’ll like it and I think he was genuinely taken aback in a nice way when I told him what it was. It was one of those really weird, surreal conversations that you only get when you’re half-cut. Honestly, I can’t remember all of it because all I was aware of was how damned close he was to my neck. Send a tingle down my neck and I’m pretty much yours. So, with the heat of his breath and all that good stuff, I was only half listening.

In the end, we left, without even saying goodbye to our friends. He wanted a kebab and I wasn’t going to say no and when he invited me back to his, I accepted. With this guy, I know he values my friendship more than anything else, so when he said purely platonic, I knew that’s what it would be. That, and the fact that Aunt Flo’s in town meant nothing else was going to happen. It’s funny, I think my pheromones draw him in because most times we meet up, including the last time which did end in some fumbling, was not the right time for me. In any case, we got a cab, went back to his, ate and slept. Yep, not even a snog. He did pull my head onto his chest, which was nice, but seconds later he was snoring his lovely head off.

Now, hangovers aren’t nice. I was teetotal for about 8 years and I’m still not great with the roughness of the next morning, but I woke up first, tiptoed to the loo so as not to wake his housemate and tried to go back to sleep, ignoring the fact that my head felt like a sledgehammer was being wedged into it and my feet hurt something rotten. When he (finally) woke up, he stuck a DVD on and indulged me in some cuddle time. This is a man who doesn’t do soppy. At all. But he has this way of making me feel like when we’re together, he’s totally in the moment. Could I have kissed him? Absolutely. Would he have kissed me back? No doubt about it. One of the things we’d both laid bare the night before was that we both fancied the hell out of each other and at some point, sparks are going to fly. But even so, not a single drop of bodily fluids were swapped. I loved that I could just lay with him, without having to think about anything at all. I’d thought he’d maybe forgotten about the last night we’d spent together, but he’d said certain things that I thought he’d be too drunk to remember. And when the time came to get dressed, there was no awkwardness. Never mind the fact that our limbs had literally been tangled all morning or that he’d seen my stupidly wayward morning hair and puffy eyes. We got the tube together – him to go to meet his mates and me to go home and sleep.

But now, I cannot get this guy out of my head. It’s ridiculous, because we’d go for months without speaking before. But now he’s occupying a space in my mind that I can’t get him out of. When his birthday finally arrives, he has to be prepared because this going to be a targeted seduction. It’s something I’ve never set out to do before, but believe me, I got the lingerie, the perfume, the outfit. It’s the only thing I can think of to satisfy this itch and based on our past couple of encounters I think it’s fair to say we’ll have fun.

Of course, there is the question of whether things will change when (not if) I finally get him into the bedroom. I’d hate for our friendship to change in a bad way and I know that’s what he’s scared of too. Having said that, it’s been 4 years of flirting and heavy banter, and a good 6/7 months of mutual attraction, and that’s a long enough wait, thank you very much. For now though, as far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist unless he contacts me first. I’ve learnt not to over-text this aquarius man and if this is anything to go by, the thrill is definitely in the chase. Of course, it does mean I’ll have to unleash my intensity when I see him next instead of in a steady stream over the next few weeks, provided he doesn’t suddenly change heart or meet the love of his life. Hope he knows what he’s in for.