So there’s been email exchanges between me and The Frenchman. As has been the theme throughout, they were nice and friendly, considered and without nasty displays of emotional madness.
I think the thing that’s got to me the most, is that I had a taste of something really good. In his email, he described our relationship as something out of a film. He’s never been as happy with a woman and he didn’t think a woman would be able to do what I did for him. It was the most exciting period of his life and something he could live with for the rest of his life. But he doesn’t want a relationship and he doesn’t want to be in love. It wasn’t this that choked me. It was when he said he was when he said he was glad to have given me happiness and he was sorry for any pain he’s caused me.
What hurts is that it wasn’t enough. That there could have been this fairy tale happiness but at the end of the day, it wasn’t enough. I’m genuinely gutted still. He’s someone I want to keep in my life that’s for sure, but right now it feels very raw.
Think I’m going to lay low for a while.