Anger and Disappointment

Well, I tried my best. I held out for as long as I could with Mr Grey but this morning I snapped. After pretty non-existent comms for the last few weeks, I asked what was going on because for me, it felt like he’d lost interest. Apparently he hasn’t, but life has got in the way meaning he doesn’t have much time, and it’s made him think he doesn’t have time for a relationship, which he says is where he thought it was heading. So it’s been left in that ‘let’s meet when we can’ zone which pretty much nearly always means ‘it was nice to know you but I’ll inevitably fall off the face of the earth.’

I’m not going to lie, I’m gutted. Never mind the tattoo stuff (didn’t ask) the lack of comms really hurt. If he was feeling that way then why not just say so? He apparently appreciates how understanding I am about his ‘commitments’ so why feel he couldn’t tell me he no longer had the time? To me, this feels like I’ve just had a summer romance, and I’ve come out bruised.

Right now, I feel like hiding away for a few days. I feel like an idiot for not listening to the friends who told me not to like him too much. I feel like an idiot for allowing myself to really start liking, and dare I say it, falling for him. I suppose the only plus in this is that I wasn’t deluded if he thought we were going somewhere too. He’s far from perfect. He has emotional and physical baggage to the extreme for one thing, but I still feel hurt. I think most of what I’m feeling is directed towards myself right now, and not him, which makes it so much worse.

It’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve left things pretty open I guess, but I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing and I’m not going to hold my breath. Hopefully in a few days I’ll feel better. Now it’s just fingers crossed for Miss Sunshine šŸ™‚

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