5 Things Men Don’t Understand About Women

I’m genuinely perplexed about this. I have no idea why this thought popped into my head today, it’s random, I know. It’s common knowledge that men just don’t get women and, here’s a newsflash, we don’t always get you either! But really, what is it that guys don’t get? I’ve done some research (not really anything that could substantiate a government grant or anything) and here are the most common things that came back:

  • Mood Swings

It’s no secret that us girlies are homornal beings and PMS is just a small part of it. We women are very ‘feelings’ led, but here’s a tip. Don’t draw attention to it because that will only make it worse. You may have a woman who knows she’s prone to extreme mood swings, especially around her period, or you might have someone who is adamant they don’t suffer from it (like me). Don’t moan at her, just grin and bear it – it’s not a permanent affliction (in most cases). The fact is, a boyfriend is the only person to vent to. Most women, for some unknown reason, sync their periods with their closest friends and female family members. No way are we going to vent to them when they’re undoubtedly suffering too, we’re far too conscientious for that! When your woman is pouting, give her a kiss. Make her a cup of tea. Pass on a random act of kindness and you’ll probably find your Ice Queen will melt.

  • Why We Don’t Like Other Girls

The honest truth? Girls are bitches. They all think they’re something special and they’ll all talk about each other once backs are turned. Apart from us and our friends, obviously. All of my closest friends were people I didn’t like at first. Hated on sight even. For me anyway, a girl has to prove herself if she’s going to be my friend. If you’re a guy and you have a close girl-friend, then please don’t throw your toys out of the pram when your new missus says or acts like she doesn’t like her. It may or may not be about feeling threatened, but it will almost certainly be about the fact that there’s a new girl on the block and it’s exhausting when you have to go through the rigmarole of trying to find common ground with someone who’s undoubtedly a bitch inside. It doesn’t matter if she’s an out and out bitch or the kind of girl who’s nice and smiley and will always be the one to buy a massive bag of posh crisps in a pub, open them and get everyone else to dig in while she natters away and ‘forgets’ to eat any herself (note, these are the worst kind of girls) because she’ll be a bitch too. This is why we keep our friends extremely close, because good girlfriends are bloody hard to find.

  • Why We Always Skirt Around An Issue

In other words, why we don’t say what we mean. We do say what we mean. You’re just not hearing us right. We don’t want to have to spell something out every single time. So when we say ‘God, I really need a holiday. A weekend away would be such a nice idea, don’t you think?’ we mean ‘I need a holiday. Why don’t you look at something and book it’. Note that I’m not saying you should be spending all your money and whisking us away. It’s not a problem to go halves, it’s the act of a man listening to how we feel and interpreting it properly that we want. There’s no denying men and women communicate differently and there are times when a woman will say exactly what she means, it’s just that this usually happens when she gets fed up of her man not interpreting her correctly and has a mood swing (see above). The only way around this is to actually listen to what she’s saying.

  • Why We Dissect Everything

It’s how we women bond. That image of a group of girls sitting around talking for an hour about what that one word text really meant is not a myth. I’ve seen and done it, many times. We know deep down that if we’ve asked a guy if he loves us (which is a bit of a sin really, but for arguments sake let’s just go with it) and he says ‘yeah’, then he means it. From what I gather, men are simple creatures. But we will still go over what he said. What tone of voice did he use? Did he shrug when he said it? Does he act like he loves me? Why doesn’t he love me? And so it goes. Girls bond by sharing stories and sounding out the other girls who think the same way we do (see above post about bitchy girls). Nine times out of ten, we don’t actually want a solution, we just want to talk. It works with you guys too. When we whinge for an hour about how badly our witch of a boss treats us at work, we’re not asking for you to actually do anything about it, we just need to vent. Now, I get that guys like to fix things, but it’s not what we want. Just listen, or at least look like you are. When we want you to fix something, we’ll say ‘can you fix the cupboard door’. It might sound like ‘that cupboard door looks like it might need fixing’ (see above), but it’s the same thing. It’s our way of getting close to you. The ‘what are you thinking line’ is used because we want to know what’s in your head and why it’s there. Embrace it, because it’s somthing that makes us females female, and you love us for it. Or you should.

  • Why We’re So Insecure

I’m not even going to pretend that we’re not or that guys don’t get insecure either because they do. However, it is universally acknowledged that girls suffer from this way more than guys. Yes, everyone has insecurities – they don’t like their nose, feet, boobs, whatever. With women, it’s a much more complex thing, especially when it comes to insecurities about what your boyfriend/husband/significant other likes in relation to what we have. We’re not stupid, we know that you love our bum, boobs and slightly rounded bellies. We know that in reality, you’d rather be cuddled up to us than some page 3 stunner but like I said above – it’s about the competition. As men get older, they seem to get hotter. It seldom works this way for women. We have kids, things droop and sag. Hairs start sprouting from random places, cellulite becomes permanent, the list goes on. Whilst you as the guy might think they just add to some kind of earthy sexiness about your woman, it will still prey on her mind. There’s always going to be some young, lithe, pert boobed whippersnapper eyeing up her hubby because, as I said, men get better with age. Even those of us who aren’t saggy or hairy yet think this. It’s all about the competition. Guys might think they reassure their women enough, but do you really? Do you ever actually tell her how much you love her un-flat belly, whether it’s stretchmarked or not? It’s not a difficult thing to do. That’s one thing my ex was very good at, and you’d be surprised at how much of a difference it makes. Want to get your missus to ride you like a bull? She wont if she thinks she has cow udders for boobs and  a belly bigger than yours. Tell her you find her sexy, all of her, and in short space of time, she’ll actually begin to hear it. She wants to know that despite the toned, bouncy boobed secretary you have, you’d rather be getting naughty with her. Warts and all.

Like I said, we’re not that complicated (hehe). All it takes is a little effort to yield results. And yes, I know it works both ways, so I may do a reverse post later in the week. I’ve only picked 5 things, but I’m sure there’s a whole host more…

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5 thoughts on “5 Things Men Don’t Understand About Women

      • It’s a madhouse roundabout rock and roll nightmare. I’m making it sound better than it is. I’m so drunk on estrogen right now. It’s cold! It’s hot! I want to wangle pizza cobbler buskers on farrier island bumbershoots!

        That was a thinly veiled commentary on how women sometimes don’t make sense. Did I say women? I mean to say “men aren’t fit to be trod upon by you, m’lady.” It just came out wrong because I was thinking about black kettles and pots, or something.

        And in closing.

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