Getting rid of emotional baggage

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As much as I love social media, it can be a challenge to understand the protocol when it comes to break ups. Do you remain Facebook friends? Do you block them? Do you keep all the pictures of you as a couple?

Over the last month or so I’d been getting a bit fed up of seeing pictures of me and my ex on my profile page. It felt like I was looking at pictures of someone else and I might as well have been because I’m not that person anymore. Mostly it felt like I was hanging on to a lot of emotional baggage. I’d already deleted the text messages I’d kept from when we were trying to patch things up, and any photos I had of him on my phone were long since deleted. So last night I deleted the pictures of us together on Facebook, and I feel so much lighter! It really got me thinking about how I’ve got through the last 5 months. Now I’m no expert in relationships or break ups, but here’s what helped me:

1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Unless you cheated, abused or did something equally heinous, don’t beat yourself up too much. One thing I’ve come to realise is that people change and grow apart. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.

2. Your ex is not the only man/woman in the world. There really are plenty more fish in the sea, and probably better fish at that.

3. Keep your friends close. There were times when I really didn’t want to see anyone, including my best friends, but I made the effort and looking back I couldn’t have got through it without them. So a huge thank you to (in no particular order) Gym-Buddy, Miss America, Miss Yoyo and Miss Sunshine (newly introduced but she’ll know who she is).

4. Get laid. A friend told me that the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else. She was right. A rebound fling is inevitable, do it, get it out of the way.

5. Do something you never thought you would. There’s many a number of things I’ve done so far this year that I’d never have dreamt of. Even small things like going to a gallery by yourself or booking a girls holiday to somewhere hedonistic. Do it.

6. Use social media with caution. I had to go back and delete a load of Facebook posts where I’d poured my heart out. I sounded positively suicidal and I cringed when I read them back. Be careful.

7. Don’t stalk. Don’t make your ex a ‘close friend’ on Facebook. Do you really need to know every little thing they’re up to? Don’t spend hours pouring over your past holiday photos either. It’s not going to make you feel any better.

8. Treat yourself. This year I’ve done just that. I had planned to save a heap of money as a bonus of moving back home but I haven’t. I’ve spent shitloads, but I figured I deserved a little niceness. Go buy an expensive pair of shoes, a nice dress or get your hair done. You’ll feel fabulous.

9. Fall head over heels in lust. Remind yourself that you are attractive and had you can feel strongly about someone else.

10. Lastly, have FUN! Go out with your mates, go to concerts, parties, shopping – whatever it is that makes you happy. Your life isn’t over, it’s just a new chapter beginning.

And if I could add another to my top ten, it would be to start a blog. It’s so much more effective than having a diary and made me feel a whole lot less alone.

Break ups create a lot of baggage, but they’re meant to. I feel a lot stronger and comfortable in my own skin than I did even just 8 months ago. Realise that not everyone is going to hurt you – don’t become bitter or you’ll miss out on all the sweetness 🙂

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