Is honesty the best policy in a relationship? I’ve been prompted to think about this following a conversation with a friend. Everyone always says honesty is best. After all, when you enter into a relationship, you expect it. You hope to have no dirty little secrets, open up about your past – it’s only natural. But I don’t think it always works.
Fact is, we’re all human, and some people can’t handle the truth. Whether you’re into BDSM or golden showers, or the fact that you slept with the milkman, sometimes telling the truth just opens up a whole new can of worms.
In my last relationship, I slept with another man. Let’s be clear – we were on a break – to quote Ross and Rachel from Friends. I’d left him and slept with someone fairly quickly and when we got back together, I felt compelled to tell him. We’d always said we’d be open and honest with each other, so I told him what happened, fully expecting him to not go mental since we weren’t together at the time. That’s not what happened.
What happened was about 3 months of hell. He’d wake up in the middle of the night and ask me for details. What position? Was his cock bigger than his? Did I give him head? We’d argue and argue about it, no matter where we were. He even spat in my face. After a while, things died down, and in some ways, it made our relationship stronger. But even years later, things were never the same.
The thing is, when you tell someone you’ve done something, or are into something a little left-field, they tend to look at you differently. If you tell your new beau that you’re into S & M and then come home with a killer pair of leather over-the-knee boots that scream dominatrix, they’d most likely think you were wanting to get kinky than roll their eyes at your love of sexy footwear. And so it was with me. When we’d watch a film or TV show together, if there was any hint of infidelity, I’d cringe. He, apparently, had long since forgiven me, but it didn’t change the way I felt. If I wanted to go out with workmates for a drink, I’d rush and get home as early as possible because I didn’t want him to think I was up to anything.
Nobody tells you these things. Instead, you have a conversation with your significant other, feeling like you can bare your soul and tell them everything, especially when they’re asking you to, and if you do, you need to know that things will never be the same again. They might forgive you for your sins, or understand your fetish or whatever your guilty secret is, but your relationship will change. Whether its for the better or worse is dependent upon your individual situation, but my advice is this: