Since I decided to hook up with Mr Soldier, things have progressed a bit, though not in the way I’d originally thought. We were supposed to hook up today but it didn’t happen. I think we’re meant to meet tomorrow instead. The thing that’s making me think is that we’ve been text messaging all week. And I mean, all week.
It is slightly complicated, given that he’s a friend already that I’ve known for years and we used to speak quite often. So it would be weird to cut that general banter off now just because we’ve decided to sleep together, right? I am a naturally chatty person and I’m a natural flirt. The problem is that I seem to have met my match with Mr Soldier. He seems to have a comeback for everything I say and it leads to long bouts of text tennis, the kind that I only engage in when I actually like someone. He knows I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’ve made that as clear as cut glass, and he’s told me that his past FWB’s have dropped off because they wanted more than he was prepared to give, but still I’m stumped as to what the correct etiquette is.
Then there’s the question of what on earth to expect when we do hook up. I’m not the most sexually confident person in the world (though I am working on it) and I can be quite shy. The whole point of this is to unleash my inner sex goddess (ha!) but it means I’m going to have to really push past my mental barriers when we meet. The point isn’t to go round to his, stick the kettle on and have a chinwag before we get down and dirty. I’d love to be able to waltz in there and pounce straight away. Unlikely. It’s ridiculous. I feel like I’m a teenager again, wondering whether he’ll like my blowjobs or my boobs. Why am I thinking of this stuff? Realistically I know he probably wont care a jot, but I do.
I think the key to this ‘relationship’ is going to be for me to be selfish. I naturally give too much and end up feeling exposed, so this will be new for me. He’s someone that I know and trust, so that should help. Hopefully once the first time’s out of the way I’ll be less bothered about the small stuff.