Once you go black…

There’s a saying: once you go black, you don’t go back. But how true is it really?

I read a post on DatingPlanet’s blog today about black men who don’t date black women and I have to say, I was fascinated. For anyone who wants it, the post is here http://datingplanet.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/black-dating/

For me anyway, I couldn’t do anything other than shake my head at the stereotypes listed. I don’t identify with any of them and I’ve always been told I’m ‘white on the inside’. Whatever the hell that means. The idea that there are a group of men who actively stay away from a particular ethnic group is madness to me, particularly when they’re from that group themselves. To me, it’s just another form of racism.

I understand that people have their types. I’m no different. I’ve never dated a black guy, never even kissed one, but that doesn’t mean to say I never would. I like my men to be hard working, smart, independent, well dressed, respectful – all the good stuff. Doesn’t matter if he’s white, black, asian, whatever. I do admit that my head is more likely to turn when I see a hot white guy, but I’d never dismiss someone based on the colour of their skin. On the other hand, I know people who only go for black men. I remember overhearing a phone conversation on the train – a young girl, maybe 16/17 years old was talking to her friend who, obviously had just announced she was pregnant. When the girl said ‘aww, you’ll finally get a brown baby like you always wanted’ I couldn’t believe my ears.

Imagine if I said I’d never date a black guy because they’re all only interested in sex, will cheat, will run out on me if I get pregnant…people would go crazy. There is a stereotype of black girls, particularly in the US, that we’re all loud, full of attitude, high maintenance etc etc. Maybe it’s just me and my friends, but I couldn’t be more different. I’m probably the most accommodating girlfriend I know, I work hard, and yes I have attitude but only when it’s called for.

I guess what pissed me off about the post (not the blogger but the men who’d contributed to it) was that I’d hate to feel like there was a guy out there who’d dismiss me purely based on the colour of my skin. I live in the real world, I know racism is alive and well against all ethnic groups, but still. People are so much deeper than their skin colour. The saving grace is that men with these views aren’t worth the air I breathe and if there are guys out there who’d miss out on a good thing for something so stupid then good luck to them I say.


7 thoughts on “Once you go black…

  1. Maybe you’re looking too deep into this thing.

    As far as the saying “once you go black…”,I obviously don’t know since I’ve never went black lol(since I’m a guy).But it maybe just preference.Some white chics prefer black men.Some black men prefer vanilla.

    The only group of ppl I see in the western word(or America)who almost always exclusively date among themselves are Arabs and maybe Koreans.Apart from that,it’s pretty much anything goes.

    • Lol by once you go black I mean sleeping with a black person – I’ve heard it applied to men and women. I agree with you about Asians (by that I mean pan-Asia) from what I’ve seen but there are definitely people here who ONLY go for black of white and never cross over…

  2. This is a tough one for me to comment on because as much as my brain totally and one hundred percent agrees with you, my body is just shaking it’s head saying, “you’ve never slept with the stereotypical Chinese man”.

    If I was living in North America, yeah, most definitely my body would be agreeing with you too.

    At the moment, I’ve decided to swear off Chinese men. I am so tired of them. I refuse to have to teach grown men how to please a woman. Especially when they never bother to listen or practice the first two rules; 1) Sex is for BOTH of us not just you and 2) SLOW THE HELL DOWN. For the past six Chinese men I’ve been with, only one had any idea of what he was doing. He was the only one who listened to my body and took the time to have fun with foreplay too. And to make matters even worse? He was Chinese American. Born and bred American.

    So yes, I can agree with people who have made the decision to not want to be with a certain race of people after many bad experiences.

    And for the comment, “once you go black you never go back”… not true at all. Like you I have certain turn offs and turn on’s when it comes to men. And one of the biggest one for me is elocution. Any man, no matter where he is from, or which language he speaks… grrr!!! It just irks me when people speak lazily.

    Anyways, this is way too long for a comment!! But that just means you’ve got great material where I can see both sides of the coin which is always refreshing to see in blogs!!!!

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